We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
