Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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