My brain says no but my pants say off.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
He has the fingertips of a God
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
