Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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