Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
