sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
