They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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