How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
