Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
