I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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