i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
