Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
