she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
