yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
