I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
