if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
