turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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