You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i love accidental penises.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
