I can text with my tongue
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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