you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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