life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
