I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
