Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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