Got a toothbrush?
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
