first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
