I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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