thus making me awesome and them whores
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
