i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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