I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
