You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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