I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
