and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
My liver just had a heart attack.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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