Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
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