Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
