if i can run in heels then i can drive
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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