Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
