There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
