She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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