And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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