why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
