omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
