remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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