i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
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