is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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