He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
The ass gains better be worth it
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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