Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
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