Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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