is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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