Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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