did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
