She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
